I understand the irony of this post given my last one. Truth is, I made a mistake in opening myself up and becoming vulnerable to someone after so long. I realize that now and it hardly took a week .
How do you even describe heartbreak? A constant wave of nausea that you cannot fight. The impending doom of being single forever and never connecting with another human so well again.
They are right when they say that you can’t eat. Each bite seems too dry. Each chew feels too long. Each swallow is too heavy.
They are wrong when they say that you can’t sleep. Sleep becomes the only comfort in the day, because in your sleep you can pretend things are how they once were; peaceful. The hard part is waking to the harsh reality that things are no longer the same.
The conversations are not the same. The smiles are not the same nor is the laughter that comes from you. The lack of motivation slowly becomes overwhelming, and the next thing you know you are cluttered in a mess of days running into one another.
The only way to get through it is by distractions. Friends, community events, work, hobbies.
Yet when your friends and family are in relationships, seeing it is like sugar in the wound; it is sweet to see their happiness, but it stings.
When you live in a small community it becomes difficult to go out. There is the constant fear of running into your heartbreaker in public. What do you do? What do you say? How appropriate is it to hide and avoid eye contact?
Work helps a lot, work may be the only short term cure. A constant distraction five to eight hours out of the dragging day.
As for hobbies, well who can focus on that when there is so much to do around the house? And how can you get anything done when anytime the slightest thing goes wrong you shatter into a thousand pieces?
Unfortunately time is the only medicine for heartbreak. I have been here before and I know that one day I will wake up and I will feel better, almost brand new. The past will finally be in the past and my mind will be clear once more.
All I can do is make it through each passing day until that one comes.