Book Snippet

In this time of quarantine I have taken to my laptop and the writing of my four-part saga. It is a post-apocalyptic themed book series (this was decided long before our ongoing pandemic) after a massive alien invasion of Earth.

Today I am spending my afternoon revising, rewriting, and editing the second book of the franchise. In these days of chaos, lock down, and social anxiety I find that the words I wrote last fall seem more relatable now than they ever did to me before. So in this post I would just like to share a snippet/sneak peek of my upcoming book, Skull Diver Vol. 2: The Beginning of the End:

We trekked for what seemed like a long time. Assuming the average person took about twenty minutes to walk a mile, we had to have been at least halfway through the tunnel at that point. Then again, without my watch we had no real way to keep track of time.

Down there out of daylight, what felt like an hour really could have been only fifteen minutes. In the same sense, what seemed like fifteen minutes could have actually been thirty. It really threw me off not having the light of the sun to follow, nor an operating clock.

So, there we were in the Transbay Tube. We had walked either half of it or more. At least an hour had passed or maybe two. Perhaps three, or perhaps no full hours had passed at all. Still, Madison managed to find things to babble on about the entire way; tunnel facts, old school friends and bullies, why she liked her sneakers because they had been durable for so long, even after the world had “ended”.

At the time, I did not like thinking that the world had ended. Sure, things were bad, but it had only been a little over a year. There was still a chance that the tables would turn. Looking back now, I guess it really was the beginning of the end.

I may be comparing apples to oranges here, but I do feel a different connection with those words in this time of national quarantine. How many days have passed with this virus spreading all the while? How many weeks, months have gone by and how any more will pass before things return to normal. Will they return to normal?

Sure things seem bad, but it has only been three months. This can’t be the beginning of the end, but it is the start of some kind of new life style for all of us. Stay strong, stay home, and stay healthy.

Let me know if you are interested in my sharing of tidbits of my novel. I can always share more.

A Note on Mental Health

March 2nd has cordially become mental wellness day this year. Most of the advertising that I’ve seen for this has been pushed towards the teen community, but mental wellness is important in all stages of life. From adolescence to young adults to people in their thirties and beyond, the state of your mental health is always one to be concerned with. Because a mentally unwell adult is just as likely to take action as a teenager is.

This is a topic that I connect very personally with, and depression is something which I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I have talked to therapists, I have taken the prescription drugs to help, I have smoked pot to drown out my emotions, and I have even spent two weeks in the hospital due to my wavering instability. So yes, this is a topic that I will not joke around about because I understand the struggles people face mentally, and they can be vastly difficult to overcome.

Obviously we all have different experiences in life and react to certain situations in varying ways. I cannot speak on behalf of everybody with depression, nor can I tell you the exact ways each person with mental problems struggles. The human mind is so much more complex than science, research, and studies can make it out to be. My mind does not work the same way that my sister’s does, and hers does not work the same way that our parent’s do. We all think, behave, and act in our own mannerism, so no I will not speak out for everyone who struggles with their emotions, but I will speak on behalf of myself and my challenges, and I am sure there are people out there who can relate to what I say.

In my non-professional opinion, depression is very similar to happiness in the sense that it is a fluctuating mood. Meaning that we will not always be happy in the same sense that we may not constantly be sad. There are some days where I am great, on top of the world, and I feel like nothing can bring me down. Then there are the days where I can hardly pull myself out of bed to face the next sixteen hours.

Depression comes in waves, like a current, and so does happiness. It is not a destination, rather it is a constant battle. There are ways you can suppress the sadness, sure there are, but that does not mean it has gone away. I can go months without shedding a tear, and then one things goes wrong one day and the floodgates are opened and I cannot stop the salty fluid from gushing out. Maybe I will cry until my head hurts and my nose is running and I feel like vomiting. Then I might feel fine again for many days, or weeks, or months. This does not mean that I am healed or cured from my depression. It is still there. It is always there.

On the topic of mental wellness, I find it is most important to remember that just because somebody appears fine on the outside, or someone who has struggled before seems to be doing better, does not always mean that they are. Whether it is depression, anger issues, being bipolar, or whatever else fills the book of mental problems, we all have to remember that it takes constant support to push past these struggles.

Therapy today will not solve all of your problems for the rest of your life. A prescription drug will only carry you so far before your tolerance decides it is no longer enough. One great moment cannot equate for every bad one that has yet to come. Each day is a new opportunity for us to seize or let slip away, and each day those who struggle with their mental wellness have to decide on which they want to do. The answer may seem easy, but for us who struggle with inner demons and past mistakes, it can be a lot harder than a simple “today will be great and I am going to be happy”. Like many things, that is much easier said than done.

So in regards to this mental wellness amongst teens day, be sure to look further than just the youth of your community. Look at your friends, your family members, your coworkers, your significant other, and ask them “How are you today? Is there anything you need to talk about?” A simple question of concern may not always be enough to break through their wall, but it is a start. Sometimes in order to find out what is on the other side, one has to climb that wall not simply destroy it. If you are able to get on the inside of that wall you may be able to better understand what is going on in their mind, and only then you may actually be able to help them get through their issues.

Tomorrow is March 2nd, Mental Wellness day. I encourage you to not only look out for the well-being of others, but also check in on your own mental state. Ask yourself, “How am I doing?” and please do not let it stop there because honestly, everyday should be mental wellness day. We are all in this wagon together, so let’s make the most of it for all of us, not just our loves ones and not just those who are clearly struggling.

For those of you who do struggle, I would like to share this piece of wisdom that I try to live by. Through the tough times it has helped me and I hope that it will help you as well:

Tank you for reading, following, and liking. If you have anything you’d like to share or discuss, please comment below, we’d love to hear what you have to say. Also, check back in tomorrow for a snippet of my own personal wisdom: the Shoe Analogy. Until then, stay strong, be wise, and go ask someone how they are doing dammit. ❤

Organizationized

Do you remember when you were young and so joyous about life, growing up, and planning ahead? In high school I would be planning my entire week out from beginning to end. Between classes, work shifts, home chores, and social time, somehow I managed to find me time and time to sleep. Alright, well I did not sleep very much in high school, but you catch my drift; I was a planner.

Back then I would plan about what I wanted to do after high school ended, and then I graduated and all of that organization planning ahead bullshit went straight out the door. These days it is hard enough for me to decide what to eat for dinner, let alone plan out my entire week. Back then, in my youthful teenage days, I was ambitious enough to pack my lunch the night before and lay out my outfit for the following day. Now I put on whatever passes the smell check and usually starve until it is time to eat that dinner that I never figured out. It will be frozen pizza again, I suppose.

I am tired of being a disorganized, unemployed mess though. I am honestly sick of sleeping in until 9:30 or 10 am. I am past staying up until midnight watching reruns of shows I have already seen, and I am done with being a standard, lazy American. I am finally ready to start getting my act together. Twenty-one is not too late to start planning ahead, is it?

I have not yet, but I do plan on buying a journal to start organizing my days in. My biggest decision is do I want a weekly or a monthly planner? Which works better for you in your experience (unless you too have been a cluttered wreck since high school)?

Anyways, I need to start waking up earlier, getting in exercise on a daily, plotting out my time to write between my blogging and my four-part saga, and also balance my social schedule. It is no longer a want to be organized, it is becoming a necessity. One can only avoid the inevitable chaos of life for so long before deciding to take it by the reigns and control it for themself.

So starting tomorrow I will wake up at a decent time to a nagging alarm, and tonight I will go to bed before midnight to avoid the urge to press “snooze” for three hours. Yesterday I worked out for the first time in a while, and it felt great! So I am going to do it again after this post. As for my next blog post, I am going to start setting time aside on certain days to allow for stress-free writing. All of this and more can be yours for five easy installments of STOP BEING SO DAMN LAZY. Because let’s be real, I am not the only one out there behaving this way, and it has got to end for our own sakes.

Sure I would rather be eating pizza and chips right now, but I am having a healthy snack of apples and peanut butter. Yes I would like to be in zombie-mode in front of the TV, but being productive feels so much better than wasting an entire afternoon rewatching The Office for the tenth time. These habits need to be replaced by new, better ones and it can be done. If you are dealing with the same struggles know that you can change your ways, but get this; you are the only one who can do that.

Your family cannot force you to change your ways, and a healthy relationship should not involve your S/O telling you to change. No, this is your decision and you must make it, act on it, and follow through with it on your own. Same goes for me right now, it is my decision and my duty to follow through. So join me in changing your bad habits for the better, and also get organized. I guess I kind of went off on a tangent here from my original topic of organization…whoops.

Anyways, in the wise words of Marshall Mathers:

I’m not afraid to take a stand. Everybody come take my hand, we’ll walk this road together, through the storm, whatever weather, cold or warm, just letting you know that you’re not alone.

Thanks again for reading my subjective blog post, please subscribe if you are enjoying my blogging so far, and comment below with which you think I should use to start reorganizing my life: a weekly or a monthly planner? (Please do comment because I really am not sure which to do, tysvm.)

Future Making & Decision Planning

Now that I am in my twenties, every morning I wake up to face the crippling fear that is answering the question: What am I going to do with my life? More so, what is remaking of my life.

Most of my peers went to college, or got married and are starting families now, so they seem to be rather on track with life. I, on the other hand, am trapped in limbo. I did not go to college or any trade school and I cannot open up enough to have a boyfriend let alone start a family. I have zero motivation to do schooling now, and really I just want to roll over one morning and find out my writing took off and that I am a millionaire who only has to type letters on a keyboard for the rest of my days.

Unfortunately the likelihood of becoming a famous author is greater after I die than while I am alive. So what am I supposed to do with myself then? Although I am good at doing most things I am taught, and I am a fast learner, my only real passion is writing.

“Well there are lots of options for that!” those ambitious folks will say to me. They tell me I could get into news or freelance writing. People always need reviews, I can write reviews all day if I wanted. But that is not what I want, to write boring words and adjectives that do not express me, my emotion, or anything other judgement on someone else’s creativity.

I want to write fictional stories. I want to allow readers to escape from the real world and enter whichever one I have conjured up. I want to inspire others to be better with my words, and also to enjoy life through my fictional tales of redemption, triumph, and teamwork. That is what I want, but statistically speaking the odds are not in my favor.

This means that I, at the fresh age of twenty-one, must start decision planning and future making…I mean future planning and decision making. The point is I need to start deciding on what the f*** I am to do with the next thirty or forty years of my life and the only thing I can even decide on is the military.

The military has benefits, I do not need to have any experience, and if I enjoy it I can retire in twenty years. That means if I were to join now I could retire before I turned forty-two. It also will teach me discipline which we all know that these past three generations could use a bit more of that. Myself included obviously. All I have to do is pee clean and pass a physical and I could be on the path to the rest of my life.

Still, I worry about whether this is the right choice. I would be away from my family, my friends, and would not be able to have a relationship of my own or start a family of my own for another few years. Then again, my family is annoying, my friends are bad influences (not all of them, but many are), and I am currently friendzoning/ignoring multiple guys right now anyways, so maybe this is the best time to say eff it, and join. Perhaps now, while I am bitter towards life and all its happenings is the perfect time to just up and leave everything I know behind and start new.

Maybe then I would be able to figure out who I really am without any outer influences, and who I truly want to be. Or am I just trying to run away from my problems here in this small town…

What do you think? Is it wrong to leave everything behind in hopes of finding something better? Or should I just say eff it and settle down, get married, have a couple of kids, and let them live on to be my legacy?